"For one who has conquered the mind, the mind is the best of friends; but for one who has failed to do so, the mind will remain the greatest enemy."
—The Bhagavad-Gita

It seems as though "Busy" is becoming the universal response to the question, "How are you?" In today's fast-paced world people seem to rate their worth and value on the relentless busyness of their schedules. We consider people who somehow know how to rest and set boundaries as weaklings, lazy , or not hard working. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Long gone are the good 'old days of summer where we shut it all down, went camping, had cook-outs and enjoyed our families without the interruption of work calling, blackberry's ringing, laptops buzzing, or ipods & iphones singing.

I see it in my own life and the lives of countless sister friends and colleagues. And I find myself shaking my head a lot lately asking--what is wrong with us? It is not just the women folk who are too busy these days either, our men, our children, our elders are all texting, ipading, exercising on the Wii, and constantly on the go. Rest is something we have forgotten how to do and we are paying a heavy price in our homes, our culture, and with our wellness and health.

The fact of the matter is that we have a hard time being still, we have a hard time staying focused on what matters--we are all worried and weary travelers on this journey called life and it is frankly destroying many of our inter-personal relationships and spiritual fellowship with each other as human beings. Many of us are in fact angry and cranky--we feel pushed to the limit--we are stressed out and we want out but have no idea how to make it happen.

B-U-S-Y what does it really mean?

I see busy as a thief--let me say it again--a thief--one who steals, robs, and takes what does not belong to him. Being busy robs us of the time to contemplate, and visit with our own thoughts and needs. Being busy robs us of time with loved ones, friends and family that we rarely get to see in such restless, activity filled lives. Being busy and always wanting more robs us of the critical and life sustaining need to R-E-S-T and be S-T-I-L-L so that we can hear God's voice and know what it is that He truly has for us.

In my five years as President of iask (aka I Am My Sister's Keeper) and now as Chairman I have watched busyness rob us of something far more valuable: Love, compassion, service, and sisterhood. I do not say this as an indictment as much as it is meant to be a truthful observation. I hear it from preachers, teachers, coaches, organization leaders, non-profit managers, charities and the like--people are simply too B-U-S-Y to care and to get involved. "If you are lucky, they may write you a check to help feed the hungry or cloth the homeless, but don't count on it." Said one non-profit CEO. I have lamented about this countless times in iask, but always an optimist I believe that if you build it the right people will come.

Sisters, friends trust me I get it: you work all day, you are tired, you get harassed at work, by relationships, by life. You are struggling to make ends meet, your families need you--friends need you--everyone wants a piece of Y-O-U. Boy do I know this truth--Service is often thankless and at times downright abusive as those you try to help will curse you and spitefully use you. But take heart Jesus told you that if they hated him they will hate you also. That in this world you will have many troubles, but count it as joy because he himself has overcome the world.

Easy words to read--hard words to live out. We find our character in times of crisis and trouble. We find out who our friends are in the midst of life's sudden and unexpected storms. I am walking in the midst of perhaps the biggest storm of my life right now--and but for my sisters I would be swept away and capsized by the crashing waves of the thunderous and rolling sea. Bottom line: We all need friends, we all need support, we all need counsel, and compassion. Sisterhood is not a spectator sport--it requires active participation and love which covers over a multitude of sins.

We as women of faith are called to something greater, higher, more meaningful. I have had my heart broken too many times and been disappointed at how hard it has been to get women engaged in the "service" part of our motto: service-self-success. The faithful few who got us to our five year anniversary last May and to where we are today at six years old--are to be applauded and thanked for giving, serving, supporting, and living out your life of F-A-I-T-H through your A-C-T-I-O-N-S.

I heard someone say once, "there can be no true love without sacrifice." I agree.

As I am finally getting sometime in my own life to R-E-S-T and reflect after having spent the last year of my life literally working no less than 12 hours a day on my first book, I realize I missed ALOT in the last year. I missed birthday parties, Baptisms, Births, Weddings, concerts, dancing, laughter, phone conversations, letters, trips, cards, baby showers, and tender private moments with my beau. As the leader of iask, Inc. I inadvertently allowed the organization to come to a virtual stand still because I simply could not replicate myself into 20 pieces to get it all done. And we had no sisters who were able to step up and fill my shoes while I was gone. Everyone was busy.

A very sobering fact to face and one we are addressing in leadership now. And one that I publicly wish to acknowledge and apologize for to the new members, longtime members and supporters of this great sisterhood. I could try to justify my shortcomings and say that I did my best (which is true but it wasn't pretty) or that I had to get my book done over the past year but the truth is we need to REDEFINE iask and refocus our organizational priorities on what truly matters in this life.

The exciting news: we are going to bring in younger, fresher, motivated, visionary, technologically smarter and most importantly compassionate & loving sisters & brothers (of all colors) to lead the organization and we are going to stand up a Board of Directors that will truly run the corporation and that will rival some of the best corporate boards in America. We will be one the most significant organizations of the 21st Century when all is said and done--we need you--please come join us!!!

And in my 43 years on this earth I have learned that the most valuable things any of us can achieve is not a Harvard MBA, or a Law Degree, a yacht, a new Mercedes, a big name in lights, trips around the world, designer shoes and handbags, speaking engagements, TV appearances or a large savings account to match our half million dollar home in the suburbs. Sisters don't you know none of this stuff will go with you when you die. So why do we worship it and spend our lives being busy accumulating the very things we don't even have time to enjoy?

None of this matters--the most important achievements of our lives come in the form of Love-Happiness & Fulfillment. How you define Love, Happiness and Fulfillment is somewhat subjective I agree--BUT I think the sermon I heard this morning reminded me of why I founded iask. Inc. and why it is that I have hung in there with it (as have some of you) for all of these years.

The sermon I heard this morning was simple--it was simply entitled: Are you living out your faith? The good preacher made a simple but profound observation and that is this: If you call yourself a follower of Christ--or a Christian you must strive everyday to do what he did;love as he did; and obey what he called us to do in his word-the Bible. He talked about how many of us are so caught up into having "religious experiences" and "feelings"--and "getting our church on"--"or being seen" or "going to church to get a hook up" or to "be in anointed leadership" that we miss the meaning of our purpose. We say we love God and that we are followers of His--yet we don't follow the very simple commands that he left us. What were His commands--in a nutshell we as human beings are called to show our faith by how we treat others--how we serve others--how we love them, forgive them, reach out to them when they hurt, cover them, protect them, feed them, clothe them, invite them into our homes, etc.

That is IT folks! Nothing more, nothing less.

So my mission is this: I am looking for a "few good sisters" who want to serve others, while learning to truly take care of and nurture themselves first so that they have enough reserve to effectively serve others, and who want to lead lives of true fulfillment by learning to love, be loved, and reach for happiness. That is the iask mission--sisterhood--service-self-success. I hope you will come and join us as we are in a rebuilding year. We expect 2011 to be the greatest year for our organization ever. God bless!

If I have not love, I am nothing!

Sophia

An Open Letter from iask Chairman of the Board & Founder Sophia A. Nelson, Esq.

"If you really want to improve your situation in life, focus on changing the one thing over which you have control: yourself."
—Steven Covey

The Heart of Expectation: Do You Really Get Back What You Put Into Relationships? So often in life we find ourselves disappointed by someone we love and it’s not just people that disappoint us, but it is our unfulfilled desires, and dreams.  However, if we are honest with ourselves our greatest disappointments in life come from unmet expectations.

This is key because we are seldom honest with ourselves and others on this very important point. And I think that if we have the courage to be so, we will save ourselves much grief and heartache.

I am blessed to be able to talk and interact with a lot of diverse people at any given time, and yet there is one universal thing that always stays the same across race, gender, age, income, and status: Our unmet expectations in our relationships tend to have the most profound impact on us.  I have been thinking about this a lot over the past week as I faced a very serious personal challenge and have had to rely on others to support, nurture, pray for and take care of me in many ways because I was unable to drive, shop, etc. for myself.  If you know me, you know that this is hard for me.

I found myself deeply hurt and disappointed in those who I thought were close to me, who simply didn’t respond the way I would have (or have) in a similar circumstance.  Even after I had humbled myself to say I needed their help and their presence with me.  Yet, in my dismay and disappointment I remembered the words of a dear friend of mine about five years ago now. She noticed that I tended to surround myself with a lot of people who were takers, and not givers–people who were always coming and going after they had been poured into by me.  So she took me out for coffee and she gave it to me straight.

She said Sophia, “You love hard girl. And most people simply cannot handle  it-it makes them feel guilty and they don’t want to step up their game so they lash out at you for simply being good to them. If you don’t start surrounding yourself with people who get you and who share your values, who will be there for you as you are for them you will burn out and burn up with frustration and disappointment.  We on the other hand are good friends and will always be because we are wired the same.  We operate off of ‘reflex’ and we make it a purpose in our loves to demonstrate care, love, affection, support not in words but in our deeds.  We don’t do drive by friendship.”  She continued, “Get rid of some of these so-called friends in your life, because they are not good friends or at the very least put them in their proper role–acquaintance and keep moving.”

WOW-Shazam–light bulb went off! She said, REFLEX. I love that word, I now use it all the time in the context of how I care for and about people in my life.  I don’t make excuses, I don’t try to diminish some-one’s needs, or tell them to “just get use to me this is the way I am”–I DO–I ACT–I POUR OUT–I GIVE. Ask yourself a question–why would you want to be around people that spent their energy telling you what they will not, cannot, and don’t do? Someone like this is toxic-RUN!

So here is the new rule for me since 2004:  I communicate my needs and expectations to those closest to me and we work on meeting each other’s needs as they arise.  And boy am I blessed with a tight inner circle that is there for me hands down.  They show up ready.  Which begs the question why was I looking for support from the wrong people in my life. My expectation of those in my closest family and inner circle is to operate on REFLEX–and do you know why? My closest circle is made up of self-professed Christian men and women.  And Christians act like Christ. And folks, don’t get it twisted: Christ was a doer, a healer, a comforter, a friend at all times, a forgiver, a lover of his fellow man, and a restorer of brokenness. I learned from my friend, her words impacted me deeply.  And ever since then I make it a point to openly and honestly communicate my needs and expectations of others and most importantly surround myself with people who share my value on this important matter.

I heard a preacher once talk about how he counseled couples and found that most marriages fail due to poor communication and managing of expectations.  He said it’s simple folks: if the husband focuses on meeting his wife’s needs and pouring into her daily and she in turn focuses on his needs and building him up–showing him respect daily they will both be filled.  Everyone’s needs are met.  In  that regard I commend everyone to read the books, “The Five Love Languages” & “The Five Languages of Apology” and “Love as a Way of Life.” by Dr. Gary Chapman.  These books will change your life radically if you put them into practice.  They teach you how to understand other’s needs, expectations and how to manage and meet them which is enriching for all involved.

So what’s the answer to the question I posed at the outset? The answer is YES, you can have a heart of expectation. Read the Psalms–read how King David laments the people he has poured into and loved, and yet when he is in the barrel they mocked and abandoned him.  David understood REFLEX–he got it–thus why he wanted to kill Abagail’s foolish husband Nabal (see 1st Samuel Chapter 25).  He understood that there is a way we treat our fellow man–there is courtesy–there is kindness–there is reciprocity.  David had protected Nabal’s flocks for free–just because it was right and when David asked for some provisions for his ARMY he was denied such.  Nabal’s selfish–arrogant and self serving ways cost him his life in the end. We should take heed there is a powerful lesson in this word from God.  My point to myself and all of you is to STOP surrounding yourself with (or trying to win over/change) people who do not and will not listen to and care about your feelings and more importantly work to meet validate them (and of course this must be reciprocal).  We all have expectations, and they are healthy when communicated, and managed with mutual love and respect.

Are you your sister’s keeper? Many of the women at the [iask, Inc. 5th Anniversary Holiday Tea and Awards Luncheon] did not give out of their abundance..they gave out of their lack!!! That is a powerful statement.  You might think that your situation is bad..but there is always someone out their that has it worse than you.

On Saturday, Lamar and I attended the iask , Inc. 5th Anniversary Holiday Tea and Awards Luncheon hosted by Mikki Taylor, Beauty Director and Cover Editor of Essence Magazine.  This luncheon served not only as a fundraiser (as ticket proceeds and silent auction bids were used to support charities such as the National Capitol Food Bank, Safe Shores, Children’s Defense Fund, and Walter Reed Army Christmas Community Service Program), but also as an awards luncheon recognizing several individuals for their dedication and service to the community.  Among the awards recipients were Tavis Smiley, Michael Eric Dyson and Eugene H. Robinson.

One award recipeint, 12 year old Marissa Norwood, really touched my heart.  Marissa did not actually attend the luncheon because you see she has a brain tumor.  Even though she has a brain tumor, she has an upbeat attitude and a passion for helping others.  When the Make a Wish foundation granted Marissa her wish, Marissa did not want anything for herself. Instead, she wished for a shopping spree to purchase gifts for others in need. “I don’t want to be remembered for having a tumor, I want to be known for helping people despite having a tumor,” Norwood said.

Another award recipient, Nicole McLean, is a breast cancer survivor.  After being diagnosed with breast cancer, Nicole decided to start a blog to discuss her journey.  My Fabulous Boobies started out as a personal blog, but has grown to a powerful resource to help other young single women  that are dealing with breast cancer.

I truly enjoyed the luncheon, I laughed, I cried, I was motivated by award recipient and keynote speaker Gloria  Mayfield Banks, and most of all I was inspired.  Many of the awards recipients are overcoming great adversities in their lives and yet they still found time to give.  iask means I Am My Sister’s Keeper.  Their mission is to be the premiere organization nationally that addresses the mental, physical, relational, spiritual and career well-being of African-American Professional Women.  Please take a moment to check out the pictures for the Luncheon and to check out the iask website.

Thank you Sophia Nelson (iask President and founder) for your vision and for being a blessing to our community!!!

Ronnie Tyler, www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com

So often when we talk about Breast Cancer, we focus on pink ribbons, fundraising, and cures for the disease. All of these things are important no doubt, but what I hope we will all spend more time focusing on is how we love and care for our friends when they need us.
The truth is when most of us think about Breast Cancer, we think of it as something that afflicts post-menopausal women past the (dating) prime of their lives. We see these women as aunts, mothers, or grandmothers who have the love and support of their families to help them get through it all.  We see it as somewhat expected.

I saw this play out keenly with my friend Francene Robinson who died of Triple Negative Breast Cancer on June 5, 2009 at the age 58. I see this playing out with my friend Venessa Bates who has just been diagnosed with Triple Negative Breast Cancer and she is in her mid 50’s. Both of these sisters are blessed with great husbands, a supportive community of friends and family and a legacy of love that endures.

These women come from an era seemingly long gone where sisters and their husbands truly rally and take care of each other in time of need.  When my friend Fran got very sick in the last months and weeks of her life, I sat in awe at how her sister friends stepped up—many of them in the Links, Jack & Jill or in the Black Greek Lettered Fraternities.

They had cleaning schedules, hospital visit schedules, meal schedules, grocery rotations, and the like.  They did it to ensure that Fran’s husband Henry and her two sons had no worries other than to be by her side day and night.  It was moving to me as a woman in my early 40s, who is not married and has no children.  

The most glaring thing that jumps out as me, however, is when I think of Breast Cancer and how it is impacting and raving the lives of young black women. I have one dear friend Nicole McLean who has been fighting Breast Cancer since she was in her late 30s. And like many of you, I learned of the loss of Ms. Sheryl Flowers (of the Tavis Smiley Group) who was only 42 (my age) to Triple Negative Breast Cancer in June when I had just signed my book deal with Smiley Books.

What I want us to stop and consider this October as my sister organization (I Am My Sister’s Keeper/iask, Inc.)  will do as we partner with Circle of Promise and remember the fight against Breast Cancer; is to focus on those women who are fighting this disease under age 40 and who have no one to comfort them.  

The fact is women who are still menstruating and healthy under the age of 40 get Breast Cancer.  And it is a devastating thing to endure and also try to maintain a healthy dating and social life. As my friend Nicole so candidly put it on her national blog “My Fabulous Boobies”:

“I do not want to live the rest of my life alone. But at the same time, I am absolutely terrified of putting my feelings, emotions and everything else on the line and end up disappointed. Dating was crazy and hard before breast cancer. Today, it is compounded by the fact that (God-willing) I will be living with the after-effects of having breast cancer for the rest of my life. There will always be some concern, some fear… some nagging something that will linger around my life and have to be dealt with head-on.  The question that lingers is… if it was hard to accept that someone could stick with me through my very “Nicole-ness” before cancer… my goodness, who is that man who will be willing to take on that PLUS millions of doctor visits, unexpected medical bills, fatigue, body changes and so on? This is REAL LIFE STUFF and it’s serious.”


I am convinced that part of the reason Fran lived as long as she did is not because of the chemo drugs, or the excellent care that Dr. Edith Mitchell (Medical Oncologist & Associate Director of Diversity for the Kimmel Cancer Center at Thomas Jefferson Hospital in Philadelphia, PA.) provided her but it was because of the circle of love, prayers and support she received on a daily basis from her loved ones and her sister friends.

As someone who has suffered with a difficult auto-immune disease since I was 36, I know what it is like to endure such an unexpected and life changing diagnosis.  I want all women to have the circle of love and support that Fran & Venessa have as two older married women. Not just in theory but in practice.

It is my hope that all of us who know a sister who is fighting Breast Cancer alone, will step up and reach out to her on a regular with cards, gifts, time, calls, food baskets, and the like; and by doing so I promise you that you will prolong her spirit, her journey and her life.

Being Your Sister’s Keeper When Cancer Strikes By Sophia A. Nelson

(Reprint from Essence.com)

A Love Letter to my Sisters
Fabulous, stunning, intelligent, warm, caring, devoted, successful, open, graceful, patient, kind, authentic, liberated, funny, multi-talented, entrepreneurial, powerful yet meek, strong yet feminine, nurturing, truthful, uncovered, seeking, spiritual, giving, loving and most of all triumphant.

These are just a few of the words that come to mind when I think of the beautiful accomplished black women that I know who have shaped my life, served as my role-models, been my self-less caretakers, inspired me, encouraged me, stuck by me, loved me, and who have helped to make me the woman I am today. All of you know women like this too. We are special, unique, precious and priceless. To say these things aloud is in no way meant to diminish the equally wonderful characteristics of our white, Latina, Asian, Middle-Eastern & Native American sisters. Not at All.

But today I want to speak to us—the sisters who take care of everyone else—the sisters who go out and earn the money and still raise the family—the sisters who hold it down in an often hostile corporate or professional workplace. The sisters who quietly and patiently endure life’s slights, hurts, set-backs, and disruptions.  Many of who endure them alone without that God intended coverer in the form of a husband or provider.  Many of us are crying inside (I know), many of us are hiding, many of us want someone to say out-loud what we feel everyday—screaming at the top of our lungs (only doing so in our minds).

This is my “love letter” to the ladies who need to hear that they matter too, and that their contributions to our community and to each other will be well remembered generations from now. So often we get trashed at work, betrayed by false friends, battered by deadly words, shunned by weak men, envied by even weaker women who did not have the courage to go out and do what we did but want to reap the benefits just the same.  Don’t let the rest of the world trick you into believing that you are less than, not as valuable as, or somehow born to just “endure”. That is not true dear sisters—it simply is a lie.

Too often we (ME) focus on the bad sisters we have come across.  The ones who have maimed us, maligned us, stabbed us in the back.  We focus on those who we believed loved us and yet who walked away without so much of a warning—we focus on those who told us what we could not be or what we could not achieve.  As TD Jakes so rightly says “Let them GO—they were never meant for you—their part in your story is over. Accept it and move forward.

Shame on us for wasting our life’s precious energy in that way.  We spend far too much time tearing one another down and not building each other up.  Too many of us in positions to be role-models and servants, mentors, and repairers of the so-called breach—instead choose to hide, duck, and leave it to “someone else”. Too many of us in positions of power and influence talk one game, but live another.  Just so you know, no-one is fooled sister—we see you-- You will always know a woman’s heart by how she lives, by the fruit she bears in the form of her service to others, by her sacrifices of self to help others, by her willingness to elevate others higher, and by the impact of her positive deeds not the fleeting nature of her empty words.

We are not only meant to experience joy, love, happiness, and peace of mind—many of us are doing so and many of us are thriving in ways that we never celebrate!  

I have been writing this “love letter” of sorts to my sisters for some months now, but nothing helped to focus me more on what I wanted to say than what I experienced last May in Naples, Florida with over 600 “sisters” from around the country. I was blessed enough to attend as a speaker the 10th annual Odyssey Women’s Network Conference. I am still on a high months later because I had a chance to see who we really are on a full-scale represented in every age, from every region of the country.  I had no earthly idea (and I mean this) that there were so many successful, happily married, mothers of all ages who also happen to be accomplished black female powerhouses in America.  That Is not the picture we see every day and it is one we all need to see more of.

I so needed this experience. I needed to be among my sisters.  I needed to see that despite all that challenges us we are THRIVING and we are navigating, growing, learning, and transforming our lives into the direction of our hopes and dreams.

The world often sees us and describes us as too angry, too independent, too overbearing, too strong, not feminine enough, not “soft” enough, too hard, too bitter, too broken, too shallow, too and on and on. You all know the words.  You have all experienced them in your workplace, and sadly in your families and relationships. Sometimes to be candid those words fit us. I have met the sisters (sadly most of them older than me and who should know better) and sometimes  I have been the sister who was always looking for a fight, always looking to give someone a piece of my mind, always looking to “set her straight”.  Always ready to “box”—when being corrected—always ready to throw a punch back and in doing so miss the message.  

YUCK is all I can say—Get over it and STOP it.

Black women are resilient. They are strong, beautiful, and ever present. While I think many of the strengths we possess as a unique group likely apply to all women, there is no other group of women on earth that shares our great story.  There is no group of women quite like us on earth. Dare I say no form of human being on earth that has demonstrated time and time again the ability to be knocked down, torn down, shattered and yet   We originate from the center of the birthplace of civilization and we have endured the unthinkable.  Embrace all that is wonderful about you sisters and remember we live in special times.  Times that require us to mentor, encourage, uplift and inspire each other and the next generation of sisters!

If I have not love, I am nothing!

Sophia A. Nelson, President of iask

The Gift of Thoughtfulness - All of us like to receive gifts, thank you notes, and words of encouragement. They seem to come at just the right times in our lives.
Yet, so few of us know how to be "thoughtful" and give of ourselves in ways that breathe life and speak goodness into the lives of others.

I think we can all agree that our culture has become very "course" and "thoughtless" as of late.  In his book, "Love as a Way of Life" bestselling author
Dr. Gary Chapman introduces a virtue we rarely celebrate: Courtesy.

In my humble opinion, "Christians" (remember just because you call yourself one does not mean you are reflecting this in your day to day actions and
interactions with others) have lost the heart of our mission--our calling from the Lord.  We are so caught up into how the sermon made me feel, or
whether or not the music made me feel "spirit filled"--or whether or not we dutifully paid our tithes and offerings--that we have forgotten
the greatest command of all folks--"LOVE"; “to love one another” as God loved us.

Love is manifested in how thoughtful we are to our fellow human beings- how kind we are, how courteous we are, how caring and engaged we are.

So today I hope you will practice the gift of thoughtfulness and bless someone today with a call, a note, a gift, a visit, or an invitation just to
spend time.  Watch how blessed you will feel as the giver, and watch how happy you will make the person on whom you bestowed the gift!

From Times of Economic Recession to Personal Transformation – In this time of economic recession, I continuously hear stories of struggle.  Of layoffs. Of pay cuts. Of jobs changed/adjusted/ripped away. Of insurance premiums bubbling.  Of the pain of facing yourself or your family or your significant other or your peers or your friends and having to say, "I lost my job."

In this time of economic recession, I have observed the transition. The shock. The outrage. The disappointment. The panic...

In this time of economic recession, I have also witnessed the transformation.  From panic to acceptance. From acceptance to hurt. From hurt to depression.

So many of us align what we do with who we are.

And when our jobs are no longer our constant, our identities lose footing and stability.  The pain is personal.  We lean on our titles/jobs/roles so heavily, in their absence we feel we may fall into an abyss.  And how can we not when more often than not we are conditioned to believe that our work  defines us?  Think about the last time you met someone (perhaps not even in a professional setting) and the conversation quickly shifted from a name exchange to a "And what do you do?"  It's part of our social DNA.  So when our jobs are no longer a part of our daily routine, what do we do?  Some of us search frantically for another job.  Some of us network. Some of us travel.  Some of us cry. Some of us cry some more.  And then a little more. Some of us question our merits, our credentials, our experiences, our self-worth.  Some of us retrieve inward and question what we did wrong.

In this time of economic recession, I have seen simplicity replace opulence.  I have seen families purge, recognizing that the expensive luxuries are just that. I have seen us return to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, tuna and crackers, fried bologna sandwiches, making a meal out of spam.  Renting movies from the library, staycations. Less designer clothes, more value. And kids pulled out of dance class to spend time instead at home with vinyl spinning and mothers dancing again, arms carelessly in the air, naps gathering sweat at the base of their necks.  Smiles reigning on their daughters.   No longer sitting on the sidelines of the dance studio, behind a sterile glass.  I have seen fathers pushing swings at the local park and sharing .50 double Dutch ice cream cones from the ice cream truck instead of a quick drive-by to Dairy Queen or Rita's Water Ice.  I have seen fewer trips to the mall, more trips to the backyard where catching lightning bugs at night has made five year-olds smile...again.

In this time of economic recession, I have seen us refuel our spirit. I have seen couples lean on each other--for the first time in a long time.  I have seen spouses once left in the shadows emerge from obscurity, provide light and support.  I have seen sons cushion their mothers' falls. Sisters provide shoulders and arms and tissue and smiles to one another.  I have seen the resourcefulness of our people return. I have seen creativity. I have seen resilience.

I have especially seen introspection.  A thoughtful examination of self, unencumbered by titles and positions and money and class.  I have seen crisp Bibles swell with wear. I have seen knees ache from constant bend. I have seen courage and determination and survival and a stubborn refusal, an inability to buckle and fall.  I have seen a return to our innate resilience. Our incapacity to fold, to crumble.

I have seen God being called. And I have seen Him answer--His way and in His time.

In this time of economic recession, I have seen the best in us, the best in YOU. And although it pains me that this economic recession is hurting us, I am thankful that this time has allowed us to see all that is great in each other again--our patience, our flexibility, our courage, our determination, our STRENGTH, our perseverance.  And I hope when this time of economic recession loosens its grip on us, we hold on to this moment, this energy, this strength, this feeling of invincibility...and this love for each other.

In this time of economic recession, I celebrate your spiritual progression, the abundance of all that is great in YOU.

Excerpt from In A Time of Recession

by Uva C. Coles

LDB Press, 2009 (c)

Sophia

Next time you take a look at your makeup brushes remember the following thoughts about Brushing:  Don't brush off verbal abuse. Listen to your gut instincts. Don't tolerate someone addressing you disrespectfully. Paraphrasing from Maya Angelou, "When a person shows you who they are, believe them." If your girlfriend shares a something with you that doesn't feel right, let them know, don't dismiss it. Tell her something like, "What he said to you was really out of line".

Don’t brush emotional abuse under the carpet. Don’t make excuses for unacceptable behavior. “Oh, he’s are under a lot of stress at work.” “He said he didn’t really mean to do it and promised he would never do it again.” It is never okay to physically abused.

Don’t brush it off your shoulders when someone devalues your interests, dreams and aspirations or doesn’t genuinely appreciate you for who you are as you are. Allowing that, slowly eats away at your spirit. It leads to self-doubt, low self-esteem, poor self-concept and ultimately you lose a sense of self.